One of the landmarks in a Tikopian’s life is marriage. Young men and women are free to court each other till such a time when the young couple decide to marry. Previously courtship was a secret thing not to be known by both families. At a time of the man’s choosing, he would take the young woman to his house and claim her as his wife. His family would then sort things out with the woman’s family by way of presentation of traditional mats and tapa and other items collectively known as ‘torofanga’ to them. The man’s representatives, usually the uncles, would try to convince the young woman’s family to agree. They would go to the young woman’s house that night or early the next day crawling on all fours as a show of respect, as they approach the parents or guardians, and greet them by kissing the father’s knee as well as greeting the rest of the family members present with a ‘songi’ or traditional kiss.. If the woman’s family agree, they would accept the traditional items as bride price or representation of the latter. If they don’t agree with their daughter’s match they would dispute it but would seldom resort to violent measures.
Once agreed upon, a date for the wedding ceremony is set by the man’s family. There is some input from the woman’s family but most of the arrangement is done by the man and his family. On the night before the wedding, the young woman would be taken to the man’s house(if she still lives with her parents) where her sister-inlaws would dress her up in traditional attire. On the day of the wedding, a big umu(earth oven) and feast is organised. The man may participate in the work but the woman spends most of the day chanting traditional farewell laments to each of her family members and relatives as she would be taken away to be part of another family for the rest of her life.
The young woman usually brings with her to her new home fine mats and traditional items she had created herself as a show of her skills and capabilities as a wife towards her husband and his family.
Nowadays marriages occur in churches and is followed suit by feasting and dancing. As part of the wedding feast, traditional singing and dances are performed by young men and women as the newly wed couple look on. The couple may also participate in the dance.
The new couple are given a new family name usually by the man’s family. In most situations where the young man is the eldest son, he would inherit the name of his parents as his new family name while his parents would adopt another appropriate name from their ‘paito’ or household. Once a man or woman gets married he or she is no longer called upon or referred to using his or her real name. As a sign of respect, other Tikopians would call them by their family name; for example the man’s suffix would be ‘Pae’ while the woman’s suffix would be ‘Nau’.i.e Pae Avariki and Nau Avariki.